Moments, Captured In Words

Feels like heaven...

Spring is the happiest season of them all! After the doldrums of winter, seeing everything come back to life and in bloom just uplifts my spirits. I was telling Dan yesterday that it cheers me up immensely to see new leaves sprouting, pretty flowers blooming, the grass growing green again. Not the least of what makes me happy is, of course, the warm weather. It feels like summer here in our neck of the woods now! It almost seems like winter just all of a sudden turned into summer, or that we have a very short spring! For the past few days and throughout the rest of this week, temperatures are in the mid to high 70's, and ion some days, even touched 80s. And because it's been unseasonably warm lately, I am wearing a sleeveless shirt, a light cotton skirt, and open-toed sandals today. It just makes me feel good! :-)

My thoughts on a snowy day...

Davao, here we come...

It's another snowy day today, another burst of cold winter weather that just amplifies my enthusiasm for our upcoming Davao vacation. I have not packed our bags yet, and even if this task is something I really look forward to doing, I have been holding it off because I know that once I get started, I probably won't be able to sleep anymore from euphoria. I already have an array of warm summer clothing for myself, Dan and Eowyn to choose from... and sinful mommy that I am, most of Wyn's stuff are, of course, brand new and very diligently (happily!) picked. Dada shudders at how much I indulge my little princess, but that's hard not to do when you have a living, breathing, perfect, beautiful doll. Being able to dress up Eowyn is, I should say, one of the things I do so love about mommy-hood. So there. Forgive me, once again, for gushing.

Daddy makes me proud

Because of today's snowstorm, Dan and I may not be able to attend the Honors Society event slated tonight at the UAlbany campus. Not that I mind that much, but I really think it's wonderful that Dan made it to the list once more and all the efforts he is putting into earning a doctorate degree are paying off. It just makes me beam with pride to be the other half of this wonderful, cerebral man who continues to astonish me every day not just with his many talents but most of all his love. If Eowyn inherits her daddy's brains, good looks, and gentle disposition, I will be the proudest mommy someday too (that, if I can be any prouder than I already am at the moment!).

Amazing Wyn

I guess it's safe to say that this early, Eowyn is already showing signs of being just as smart as her dada. She is quick to learn and has continually surprised me with her ability to remember things that I did not even know she noticed. At 18 months, she can recognize all the animals on her books and can point at them or say their names when asked. She can also identify parts of her body from hair to toe. She knows what a hat is, a coat, sweater, mittens, tights, socks, shoes and boots are. She can count from one to ten, if she's not lazy, but otherwise, you would have to prod her. She chants along with mommy when I sing the alphabet song. She'd point at the pictures hanging on our wall and name, with amazing accuracy, who those people are - great grandma, great grandpa, grandma, lolo, lola, mommy, daddy, and so on and so forth. She'd watch a movie or a tv show and would suddenly pipe up "Look, it's raining!" or "It's a monkey!" or "Wow, lights!" or "Hahaha! Funny!" reflecting on what she saw on tv. Truly, it's such a delight to watch her grow.

Lately, Wyn has been speaking in straight sentences more and more. On the way home from work the other night, we saw a stalled truck by the road and a police car with lights flashing parked behind it. From the back seat, Eowyn exclaimed curiously "Look! Did you see 'at? It's a fire truck!" I laughed when I heard her, and asked her again if it was a fire truck. She answered me matter of factly "Yes, it's a fire truck!" Never mind if it wasn't really a fire truck - everything that makes noise and has flashing lights fall under that category where Eowyn is concerned.

Also, when we passed by the mall yesterday, there was an unusually large number of cars on the parking lot. Unsure about what's happening, I asked Dan what's going on there. Eowyn came to daddy's rescue quick, and answered her mommy: "What's going on? I don't know!" I burst out laughing at her response, and told her she's so cute. Encouraged by mommy's laughter, Eowyn continued to chant "I don't know... I don't know... I don't know!" until I gave her a goldfish (parmesan-flavored crackers) to shut her up. That worked, but only for a little bit until she finished munching her food, then went on to pester mommy: "Want some... more fish, please?" Ah, the wonders of motherhood!

My pre-Valentine ramblings

Morning fiasco

Cold, icy New York winters is something I still haven't gotten used to. This morning, Dan almost scolded me as I wobbled my way to the garage, taking little baby steps as I tried not to fall on my slippery, pointy-heeled boots. He already finished strapping Eowyn on her car seat and had to come back for me half-way between the house and the garage. Yup, I was that slow, explaining Dan's exasperation for my lack of foresight to wear more appropriate shoes for this kind of weather. *sigh* When will I ever learn?

Another winter storm

Today's weather is really quite miserable, to say the least - a mix of snow and freezing rain in temperatures hovering near freezing. I did not have the guts to venture out of the office at all, what with my slippery boots and all. I just could not handle the slush, the wind, and the cold. Times like this, I can't help but get excited about our upcoming Philippine vacation. Ah, the wonder of warm, tropical weather! Davao, here we come... soon!!!

Valentine's Day

Truthfully, I do think that V-day is one of the most overrated occasions in the calendar. But, I have my own reasons for loving it! Dan and I are supposed to go to a weekend getaway in the Adirondacks but had to cancel that plan as a very important thing that needs our immediate attention came up (I'll blog about this another day after this "big event" has come to fruition as I don't want to jinx it at all). I told him I'd much rather save the money for this venture, and besides, he has already given me a pre-surgery and pre-Valentine's day present: an iPod Touch. It's way cooler than all the flowers and chocolates in the world, I tell you!

iPod Touch

I'm usually not one to rave about the latest gadgets in the market at present, but I am incredibly impressed with the iPod Touch! This baby has practically all the features of Apple's iPhone except the ability to make phone calls --- but that's actually a plus factor for me. I'm very happy with my Nokia N80 Internet Edition and I don't want to be tied down with a 2-year contract with AT&T. The iPod Touch is an MP3 player and more! I especially love its web-browsing capabilities and being able to watch videos on You Tube. It is really and truly super cool! Whenever I want the latest dose of news, email, or gossip, the iPod touch delivers with amazing reliability. I do not even have to fight with Dan anymore when he's using the computer and I want to look at something in the internet. I can check my mail, write blogs, read the news, post in forums, watch videos, listen to music, manage my contacts, schedule event/appointment reminders, get directions and have ready access to a US map, and even compare the time and weather in different cities across the globe with just the touch of your fingertips! And no, Apple is not paying me to write this blog, but I am just thoroughly enamored with this gadget I can't help but gush and give them free advertisement for it!

Weight Issues

Last week, I finally found the time (and the interest!) to weigh myself after 48 years of not stepping on the scale! Hah! I know I am gaining weight lately - either that, or all my pants have shrunk slowly but surely over time. I'd like to believe it is the latter, but reality stares me in the face whenever I look at myself in the mirror. Holy crap, what I see is definitely not the ME that I used to be before I got pregnant and gave birth to Eowyn. To rub it in, Dan fished out a photo of me taken in Davao when we first met. I was wearing this tight, clingy blouse and hip-hugging pants that showed off my tiny waist and curves! Arrrgghh! It pains me to look at that picture, honestly. Really, where did that girl go?

I never thought of myself as having a particularly great body, but looking at that picture, damn... I have to tell myself I looked a lot better then! How could I not think that when I am still dealing with post-partum body issues?! My pregnancy tummy still has not gone away and my hips (and butt) are as wide as flying saucers. Unfortunately, since Eowyn is not breastfeeding anymore, my boobs have gone back to their normal miniscule size. Heavy in the middle and light at the top, my body is now a far cry from the one that I had before. Ah, well. My only - and best - consolation is that Dan tells me he likes my body better now: no longer girl-thin, but more womanly. Yah, right! *rolls eyes* What are husbands for if they don't tell you things you love to hear?!

I promised myself that I will lose some weight... hopefully, hopefully! I am already cutting down on my soda intake, but that damn vending machine just a few feet from my space in the office is truly testing my resolve! Perhaps I should also exercise more, and eat healthier food too. But can I ever say no to chocolates... and ice cream??? Hmmmm. I guess I really should not obsess about my weight. I am fat, alright, but I am not that fat! At 118 pounds, I guess I am still okay. I am not overwight, and my body mass index, at least, is still within the normal range. I just don't ever want to be one of those women who refuse to tell people how much they weigh, or how old they are. Oh, and by the way, I'm turning 30 this year but I'm proud of it!

Snowstorm

We just got home from our holiday party, after two grueling hours on the road. It started snowing this morning shortly after ten and it hasn't stopped since. It was snowing so hard Dan had to brush snow off the car five times within a six hour period - once before he came to pick me up from the office, and then again when we left the building, and then some more when we headed out from the restaurant, and then another after we got Eowyn from daycare, and finally when we arrived home and he parked the car in the garage (so the snow won't freeze). Even when we were on the road, he had to brush ice off the wind shield a couple of times - it was that bad! Cars are crawling on a snail-like pace on the highway, and even the back roads that we took, normally a smooth drive, was quite crowded and slow-moving. Snow is beautiful but it can be very dangerous too. I'm just glad we got home safe and sound!

Happy Thanksgiving!

We're off to Penssylvania again today to celebrate Thanksgiving with Dan's family. I am so looking forward to the long weekend ahead! Indeed I can now imagine the oh-so-delish food, the warm company of loved ones, and the very relaxing time I will have at my mother-in-law's place. How can one not say a prayer of thanks when life has been extremely good all the time? Anyway, I hope that all of us take a moment to reflect on the many blessings we've received this year and over our lifetime, this Thanksgiving and always. Have a meaningful celebration, everyone!

Bad Trip!

It's Sunday night, almost two hours after the game ended. Haaay! Bad trip talaga! The Steelers lost to the Jets on overtime. Minsan tuloy, naiisip ko, jinx 'ata ako sa Steelers eh. Everytime pinapanood ko game nila, minamalas ang mga loko! Okay na sana 'yun eh. Lamang na sana sila sa 4th quarter with 2 minutes to go. Pero hindi! Bakit ba kasi nanood pa ako at di ko na lang tinapos 'yung pagfo-fold ng laundry?! Grrrrr. Ayan tuloy, the Jets scored to tie the game, they went into overtime, and the rest is history! Haaaayyy... bakit ba ako sobrang affected? Mareng K, you can blame me on this. Kasalanan ko kung bakit natalo ang Steelers! Heh heh! Next time di na ako manonood ng game nila unless sobrang lamang nila sa score ng kalaban. Ayoko na, di ko kaya ang pressure eh! Happy Sunday sa mga fans ng Jets!

Winter's Coming...

It is November, and there is definitely a bite in the air now whenever I step outside for a brisk walk. I hate the cold and I do miss the warm days of summer, but there's nothing I can do to stop the changing of the seasons. We just have to deal with it, whether we like it or not.

I have already taken the last of my warm weather clothing out of the closet, save a few "essential pieces" that I can still wear under blazers and jackets. Silly as this sounds, it actually made me feel a little sad to box up my tanks and t-shirts and shorts and capris. I guess it's a good thing that I already dealt with my flip-flops and open-toed shoes a few weeks ago, or else it would have been too much for me. Putting away my summer clothing is almost like a ritual, and always a sad one at that because I know that winter is just around the corner.

We do not have hot water in the house for a week now, and frankly it is really getting in my nerves. I'll stop at that (because there are other people involved and I do not want to put a strain on our friendship). Dan has seen me in my crankiest of moods these past few days, and even though it's not his fault, my poor hubby has to deal with that on top of everything else that's on his plate. Poor Dan!

Belatedly, after throwing a major tantrum a few days ago, I realized that my "big problem" is really nothing compared to what other people are experiencing. It is quite petty, if I have to go there, and I guess my one main issue is that I am too spoiled (to quote Dan). A malfunctioning water heater is not the end of the world, and besides there is the stove as a last resort. Ha ha!

The perennial optimist in me tells me that I can endure. Sometimes you have bad days, but they won't last forever. If the water heater fiasco is the worst of my problems, then I'm still lucky, aren't I? At least we still have running water inside the house, a roof over our head, food on the table, warm clothing on our backs, money to go shopping, yada yada yada! At least I don't have to deal with hateful in-laws, a scheming, jealous ex-wife, difficult step kids, or an abusive, womanizing husband!

Dan is such a gem, even though he's more like a diamond in the rough right now. Ha ha! Seriously, I'm always thankful that he never ceases to understand and love me despite my many quirks and blunders. He's my rock and my anchor and I just wouldn't be complete if I don't have him in my life! So what if I have to take cold showers? My man will keep me warm, this coming winter and always!

Glorietta Blast

I felt weak after reading in Inquirer.net the news about the Glorietta 2 bombing in Makati. Eight people were confirmed dead, while more than a hundred were wounded.

Somehow, I always knew that this was a disaster waiting to happen... the terrorists are bound to strike at a vulnerable place and time. I am not really surprised though because security in the Philippines has always been a concern. Still, this did not cushion me from the severity, the futileness of the incident. The blow is still bad, even if I don't really know any of the victims, because I also have family and friends who are vulnerable to attacks like this.

Although Glorietta is not one of the malls I used to frequent when I was in college (I was more of an SM Megamall, SM North Edsa and SM Fairview tambay), I do have some fond memories of the place, including Dogie and me getting lost in the mall (read: we could not find the right exit), hanging out with my BOI co-interns for lunch or an after-office-hours window shopping spree (those were the days... sigh!), and meeting a friend who also happens to be my crush then for dinner and movie (kilig factor: 100%). Of course, all these happened 10 years or so ago, and bomb threats then were virtually nil. Isn't it sad that our society has evolved such that you can never be too certain about your safety anymore?

Have a safe, carefree weekend, everyone!

Special mention: to my beloved kikay brother Hadi... ayaw pag-sige laag sa mall ha! Bantay lang jud ka!

from out of nowhere... a litany!

I don't claim to be a saint, but I try my best not to step on other people's feet for my own advantage. Don't you just hate it when it happens to you? Some people are just plain mean, and some people are just too self-centered, while others, perhaps, are just clueless. Whatever their reasons, there are just people in this world who will crush you if they can just so they can climb one step up the ladder. Nasty, isn't it?

Thank goodness my current work environment is not that toxic. I count it as one of my many blessings that the people I work with now are very friendly, supportive, and best of all, they don't put you down. No nasty gossips, no malicious intrigues. In my almost ten months of working here, I have never been subjected to any kind of injustice or any form of malice. It has been pure bliss, and this makes me feel superbly lucky to be part of this team.

I say this because I remember (and yes I do still remember) how venomous the atmosphere was in one of my previous jobs. Intrigues left and right, scheming people out to get you if you don't watch your ass. It's either you sink or you swim, and you better swim hard or else the talangkas will pull you down. It's a wonder I survived for three years working there. I myself have been a victim of a mega power-tripping stunt pulled off by some people in the office. The saddest part of it was that I thought they were my "friends." Ha! I guess in a dog-eat-dog world, there is no such thing as friends. I learned my lesson too late.

To this day, when I think about all that happened, I must admit I still feel a *little* bit of anger, resentment, and hate. But time heals all wounds and I would rather not hold on to the negativity of the whole experience. One thing is certain, they can never put a good man down. I always take pride in the fact that I accomplish things because of my own capabilities and not because I brown-nosed or tread on other people's toes. I wonder if they really feel any satisfaction (or happiness) knowing that they did other people wrong. But maybe they do. Some people are just masochistic that way.

It's all water under the bridge to me now. I've moved on and I am very happy with my life. I'm stronger and better and I emerged triumphant in the end. At least I'm not stuck working in a pitiless job with pathetic wages anymore. I made sure to land greener pastures before I took the greater leap and moved overseas to marry Dan... just to prove to them that I can get a better job while they are still slaving their asses off in non-tenured positions. (I am happy to hear though that things are much better there now security-wise. At least many people already have the items they so deserve!)

And despite this infinitesimal scar that I still bear, let it be known that I don't hold grudges anymore. I have forgiven, but I have not forgotten. And I will always remember that chapter in my life so I can draw strength from it and remind myself that I can rise after the fall. No one can step on my dignity or extinguish my self-confidence unless I let them.  It's the things like this that spur me on to reach greater heights.

Now, must I repay their unkindness? I have already said, I am not a saint!

Just my thoughts... again!

On the way to work this morning, a thought suddenly struck me as I gazed at the homes and buildings and the foliage dotting the length of the roadside. How does it get to the point when the novel becomes ordinary, and the familiar becomes almost forgotten?

Two years and two months ago, this was all new to me: the wide, modern interstate highways; the smooth flow of traffic; the oaks and the pines and the maples and the other towering trees; the pretty, varicolored wildflowers; the cool weather; the changing of the seasons; and all the conveniences of contemporary America. It's funny that I don't really take much notice anymore. Everything seems run of the mill now. The novelty has worn off... and I didn't even know how or when that happened.

Stranger still, my memories of the Philippines and all its idiosyncrasies are now slightly blurred. How could I forget what it feels like to be stuck in a jeepney during rush-hour traffic, sitting next to a man who smelled like he hasn't had a bath in days? Or baking under the hot tropical sun waiting for your ride to come by, jostling other people so you can get that last seat on the jeep or bus or train. Or going to a busy, crowded market with vendors calling out loudly for you to buy their stale fish that looked fresh under a red-tinted light bulb. Or using the stinky, filthy public CRs that don't have toilet papers, hand towels, soap, or even worse, water to flush the toilet bowls! How could I forget seeing homeless kids on the street, sleeping by the sidewalk, begging for money, and eating newspapers to satisfy their rumbling tummies? How could I forget the poverty, the desolation, the wretchedness of day to day life that the poor suffer back home?

No, I have not forgotten... but these memories are quite distant now. And when I do remember, it makes me appreciate and be more thankful about the kind of life I have now. I am wonderfully blessed, despite the subtle imperfections of my modest existence.

Camping

One of the best things about summer is that there is so much more to do during the entire season and you’re not at all cooped up at home, on the verge of suffering from cabin fever. Although Dan argues my point and tells me that there are many fun activities to do during winter too (like skiing,, snowshoeing, etc.), I am not at all convinced. The fierce tropical girl in me, I guess, would forever detest the cold and thus would much rather sit in front of the fire, sipping a cup of hot chocolate and reading a good book, instead of venturing out into the snow for some “winter fun.” Nope, that’s just not me.

Because it is summer now, I am in my element. I gamely, happily pack our things and other essentials whenever Dan suggests that we go camping. We have been out camping three times now since June – the first one in Cherry Plains, the next in Duanesburg for the Viking Thyng, and more recently, at the Rainbow’s End Campground in the Adirondacks.

Camping is a LOT of fun! While some people would scoff at the idea of being out on the wilderness --- far from the comforts of home, no hot running water, no toilets, no soft beds to sleep on --- I relish the experience of being one with nature. There is just something very exhilarating about hearing the birds sing and a brook bubbling by, feeling the fresh breeze blowing and the warm sunshine on your face, smelling the pine needles and the fresh grass and the wildflowers, and watching the white puffy cotton candy clouds float by against a backdrop of perfect blue sky!

I also love staying inside our three-season tent and playing with Eowyn while she stumbles on our improvised bed made up of a sleeping bag, a thin foam mattress, and several layers of wool blankets, a few sheets and a chunky comforter. I feel a sense of contentment as Dan tends to the fire and cooks dinner. Nathan Hotdogs are the best!!! Grilled over a slow fire on barbeque sticks, fat dripping leisurely on the coals… just the thought of it is making my mouth water! And s’mores for dessert…. mmmmmmmm! (For those who aren’t familiar with s’mores, these are roasted marshmallows and Hershey’s milk chocolate sandwiched between two pieces of graham cracker. 100% yum!)

To be continued…

Unsolicited Advice

"Everything is really just a matter of perspective. You can only be as happy as you allow yourself to be."

I don’t know where or when I first learned about this philosophy – probably from my parents, probably from a movie I saw or a book I read – but everytime I find myself in danger of slipping into an unhappy, despondent, irritable kind of mood, I always try to remind myself of this mantra.

There are many, many things in life that we have no control over, but we can always manage and influence our emotions, our perspectives, our outlooks. And for me, this makes life a lot easier and simpler.

When there are things I can’t have or when things go wrong, I just tell myself “C’est la vie.” You have great days and then you have bad ones. That’s life. You can’t always win them all. You can’t always have sunny, rosy days.

Why complain and grouch and be miserable? That won’t help you any. If there are things I can do to make it better, then I’d do it. If there’s none – oh, well. Just deal with it. I must admit I whine sometimes though, and Dan is my ever-reliable sounding board. But once the whining is over, I try to be happy again.

Life is too short to dwell on gloomy, distressing things. Don’t waste it being so cranky!

S-M-I-L-E!!!

More of my thoughts...

Maybe my thoughts tend to go towards the depressing side today because it is quite a gloomy day now. Well, depressing may not be the right word – but I am definitely not thinking, er, happy thoughts. I know --- it’s a bad way to start the week, especially since I’ve had a wonderful time last weekend!

But anyway… I don’t know if it’s just me, or whether new mommies like myself also experience a radical change in perspective about confronting death and mortality. Before, and for the longest time in my life until recently, my greatest fear is losing a loved one through death. This has all changed now.

I would much rather be on the grieving side than have someone (especially my daughter) lose me. The thought of Eowyn growing up motherless is just plain horrifying to me! This one thing completely surpasses all my fears – even just the thought of it breaks my heart.

It brings back memories of Ma’m Astrid (former legal counsel of UPMin) when she was battling breast cancer a few years ago. I remember her telling us that more than anything else, she is afraid of her kids growing up without her. Even chemotherapy, losing her hair, and even death itself are less threatening to her than the thought of leaving her kids behind. They were just too young, she said.

At the time, I didn’t really comprehend her fears although I totally sympathized with her. But now that I am a mother myself, I can completely relate to that. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any life-threatening disease whatsoever (knock on wood a million times!!!), but just confronting my own mortality is tough.

This all leads me to take better care of myself and of my health, because I have responsibilities now. I know I’m still young (and it will be a few years more before my age exceeds the dates on the calendar *sly grin*), but I’m realizing that youth is never an antidote to disease. The earlier I start taking precautions to safeguard my health, the better my chances are to be healthier, right?

My first step towards this direction? Eat healthy! This means less greasy food, more fruits and veggies in the menu. It’s a small thing but I know it can go a long way. J

The grass isn't always greener...

There’s a black girl whom I always see roaming the streets near where we live. Sometimes, she is with her boyfriend. At other times, she is alone.

She is skinny and shabbily dressed, always wearing the same thin coat that probably never protects her from the chill of winter. She has a faraway look in her face, making me wonder sometimes if she is even aware of her surroundings.

This morning, I saw her again. I was walking towards the car, carrying Eowyn’s pink blanket and a shopping bag filled with my lunch and other food essentials for the week, when she crossed from the other side of the street and stopped me in my tracks.

“Excuse me, do you have money to spare?” She began, and I almost jumped back, startled. “I’m hungry and I haven’t eaten for days and I really can use a dollar.”

“I’m sorry,” I stammered back. “I’m really sorry but I don’t have cash right now.”

Well, I do have about 20-some dollars in my wallet, but there are some things I need to buy later and I was not about to rummage my purse so I can fish out money for her. The truth is, I was actually quite scared of her.

“I am diabetic and my sugar is running high, and I need to get my prescription…” She looked desperate, and she was changing her story.

I could see Dan waiting for me by the garage, so I offered another apology and told her I couldn’t give her anything, and promptly walked away. I felt bad about it, and Dan tried to reassure me that it was the right thing to do. He said that the diabetic story is more likely a scam, and that the girl is probably high on drugs from the looks of her.

The first time we encountered her, she was with her boyfriend. We were on our way to the Adirondacks last year and Dan was loading the car when her boyfriend approached him to ask for money. I was inside the car trying to strap Eowyn in her carseat, but I could hear them talking. I started to get nervous when Dan said no several times and yet the man wouldn’t leave, insisting that he’ll take anything even if it’s just a stick of cigarette. He finally gave up when Dan repeatedly and firmly told him that there is nothing we can give him.

To be honest, I am quite surprised (for lack of a better word) to see people begging for money here in the US. I would have thought nothing of it if I were in Davao, because you always see people – from a very young child to an old woman – asking for alms in the streets. In my mind, I have always envisioned the US to be a very prosperous place that’s almost devoid of poverty, and seeing these bums on the street brought reality crashing down.

I guess the grass isn’t really always greener on the other side of the fence.

Out in the bitter cold...

Winter can be beautiful - that much, I admit - but once my amazement with the snow wanes off, it's really more a pain in the butt than anything else.

If it were only up to me, I'd never venture out in the bitter cold. Even bundled up in a down-filled coat and wearing furry gloves and a hat, it is still quite chilly. It gets worse when there's a wind blowing because wind chill can make temperatures seem a few degrees colder.

And oh, my poor nose! That line from the Christmas song "jackfrost nipping at your nose" really jumps at me when I stay out in the cold for a long time. It's like my nose is ready to drop off any minute because of the cold. Bbbbbrrrr!

Times like this, when the temperature is dropping close to zero, I really miss summer! In winter, even the sun can be deceiving. You look out the window and see that it's a sunny day and you think that it must be warm outside... but, no! I made the mistake of not putting on gloves before heading out and my fingers almost froze blue because of the cold! Thank heaven for coat pockets though - they served as temporary mittens for me!

Enough about my winter rant. There are other things that need to be done. :-)

Happy New Year!!!

So 2007 is finally here! It felt weird to me that we didn't stay up till midnight last night to welcome the new year, but Dan and I were both dead-tired and exhausted after a day of shopping, cleaning the house, organizing things, and cooking! After dinner, we simply watched tv, read a book, talked, and slept.

New year in the US is celebrated differently from home, and I miss the usual Filipino festivities at the strike of 12, January 1st.

No noche buenas. No fireworks and fire crackers. No clanging of tin cans and shaking of coins. No revving up the engine of cars or motorcycles. No jumping up and down in the hopes of getting taller. No wearing of polka dot clothes for prosperity.

Ahhh, well. Here's my list of the things I'm looking forward to doing, celebrating, and everything else in between for the year ahead:

• Eowyn's first birthday
• vacation in the Philippines
• organizing the house (haaayy, sana matapos na talaga ito!)
• getting busy at work
• meeting and making friends with more Filipinos here
• applying for my 10-year greencard
• Loriann's wedding in April (I'll be a bride's maid, woohoo!)
• keeping fit and trim (year of the pig pa naman ngayon, ehehe)

Happy new year to everyone!

It's snowing!

Dear Old Man Winter prolly heard my lament about snow yesterday. This morning, I woke up to see a light snowfall and a dusting on the ground. Finally, snow found its way here. Yipee!

Why am I even happy?

*scratches head*

It's super cold here now (today we'll have a low of 19 F, according to the weatherman) and the scenery is magically transformed into a wonderland of white! I detest chilly days but I can't begrudge the snow. Hehehe!

I almost wanna go out and catch snowflakes on my tongue again...... but it seems silly to do that near a busy street. Unfortunately, we don't have the privacy of our old place in Malta anymore, but that's okay.

Perhaps I can still play in the backyard with Eowyn later this winter, making snowmen and snow angels. Now, that's a happy thought! Maybe my little Cookie Dough can (by then) crawl around or take her first step in a blanket of pure white snow... but this is already taking it too far!

Well, dreams are free, right? See what this delicious snow has triggered in me! Bleh.

Snow, where art thou?

Old Man Winter still continues to elude us. While there had been snow already in many parts of the country, we still have to wait for and see the first snowfall in our neck of the woods! Not that I'm complaining, mind you. The longer it stays warm here, the happier I will be.

But temperatures are already beginning to dip and the local weatherman reports that we will have a high of 33 F and a low of 21 F today. It is cloudy and glum and snowshowers are in the offing. I thought I would see a dusting this morning, but when I looked out the window, there was nothing there but damp frost.

*Sigh*

Dan is looking forward to some nice snowfall so we can make plans to go skiing. Eeeeekkk! I wonder how I'd fare in that aspect. I have never been good at any kind of sport, and I'm scared that I'll just make a fool of myself, stumbling and falling and never able to stand upright on my skis, clumsy silly girl that I am. This picture evokes a smile of amusement from Dan, and a nervous pounding heart from me!

Anyway, surprising as this may sound, I'll let the cat get out of the bag and admit that I am indeed looking forward to seeing some snow. I think we've been kept in suspense for far too long, and the sooner the snow falls, the sooner I can come to terms with my aversion for cold winter weather. Besides, the tropical girl in me still finds a great degree of fascination and wonder in snow. Even for that alone, I guess winter will be kinda fun.

Hmmmm. We'll see if I'll still be singing the same tune when it gets ten degrees below zero! Top that!

Who loves deer?

Two weeks ago, I would happily have answered that question, "ME!"

When Dan missed his turn as we were driving to their home in Bear Rocks, I was a little annoyed because that meant we would have to drive a little longer, and Eowyn was fussing in the back seat. But my irritation quickly turned to glee when we saw a young deer feeding by the roadside in the faint light of dusk.

I was also all smiles when we saw two deer grazing near the road as we came home from Loriann's place on Saturday last week. There they were, quietly feeding, glancing at us with curious eyes as our car sped by. They were so adorable!

Last summer, as we visited Kelly (one of mom's friends in Pennsylvania), I was beside myself with joy when she let me hold the two young fawns she's raising. They were white-tailed deer, cute and cuddly and utterly lovable. I could almost drown in their big, soft brown eyes as they looked at me.

My fascination with deer vanished last Sunday though when we were driving back to New York from Pennsylvania after Thanksgiving. Though it was only 5:30 in the afternoon, it was already dark. The sun sets very early during winter, and the days will get shorter until after winter solstice. I was gabbing animatedly with Dan, who was driving at a speed of about 70 mph on the thruway, when all of a sudden, I saw a full-sized deer crossing the road just several feet away!

My heart jumped to my throat as I shouted "Deer!" I guess Dan saw it too just about the same time as I did, and he managed to swerve to the shoulder of the road without hitting the deer. It was a very close call, and we were both speechless for a few seconds as Dan gained control of the car and swung back to the highway.

When finally I found my voice again, I started rattling about car insurance and how inconvenient it would be not to have a car for a week or so. This only made Dan chuckle, who told me that he was concerned about being badly injured more than anything else.

That stopped me again and I dumbly asked, "We could have been seriously hurt?" That never crossed my mind, but as Dan explained to me that running into the 200-pound deer would be like running into a brick wall, I was stymied into silence once more.

Who loves deer? My fascination with the species ended right at that instant. As I recounted the incident to mom later on the phone, I can only say "Amen" as she told me: "You know, people think that deer are really harmless, when truth of the matter is, they can be quite dangerous!" I hope to high heavens that we never, ever, again have a close encounter with these wild creatures.

Home for the holidays...

Road trip... and all those cars!

Wednesday morning was a rush. A quick shower, getting Eowyn ready for the long travel, loading the car... and we were on our way just a little after eight. I didn't even have time to cook breakfast but that's okay. Dan and I just went to a Dunkin Donuts drive-thru to get coffee, french toast, hash browns, and breakfast sandwiches. I was in a very good mood.

As we approached the Schoharie Valley, I noticed that the frost was thickening on the trees. At first I wasn't so sure what it was: ice, snow, fog? The landsacpe looked hazy and quite white, a scene unfamiliar to my tropical eyes. So I asked Dan about it and he said it was just frost, a thick heavy frost. I was amazed.

Eventually, I settled back on my seat and began to munch on some potato sticks. Because it is a long trip, I took the liberty to stock up on chichiria: chocolate cookie sundaes, cheese nips, potato chips and lots and lots of water! Normally, it would just take about 7 hours to arrive in Bear Rocks, but because we have a baby on board and we had to stop every couple of hours to feed her, change her diaper, etc., it took us two hours more to get there.

I also noticed that there was an unusually heavy volume of traffic on the interstate highways. To ward off my boredom, I began noting down the license plates of cars we see along the road. To my amazement, the list came up to about 32 states, including cars from California, Texas, Florida, Illinois, Wisconsin, Mississippi, and Georgia. People are indeed coming home for the holidays.

A Little History

Before I came to the US, I barely had any idea when or what Thanksgiving Day is. Vaguely, I knew it had something to do with pilgrims and turkeys, but other than that, I really don't know what it is. I had no idea that aside from Christmas, Thanksgiving is one of the biggest holidays in the American calendar.

Dan made me watch a documentary on the history of Thanksgiving after we had our big dinner celebration so I will know more about it. From what I learned, the Pilgrims fled their homes in England back in the 1600's to escape religious persecution. They sought refuge in Netherlands but soon got disillusioned with the Dutch's way of life. To make a long story short, they decided to find another place to settle in, commisioned a ship called Mayflower, and set sail for the New World (now the US).

Their voyage was a rough one and many of them died along the way. They finally set ground in Plymouth Rock on 1620 but had a quite difficult winter. They soon befriended Indians who taught them how to plant crops and basically survive the harsh winter. In celebration of a bountiful harvest during the next year, they held a Thanksgiving feast which lasted for three days. Cool, huh?

Thanksgiving Celebration

In between watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in NYC on tv and helping mom prepare dinner, I had my hands quite full on Thursday morning. Dan minded Eowyn, who thankfully was in her best behavior. It was my first time to see up close the preparations on making roast turkey and stuffing, and I did my best to remember what mom did because I know that someday, I will be hosting my own Thanksgiving dinners too.

After we had the turkey ready, it was time to bake the pies. Mom made pumpkin and apple pies --- a really yummy treat after a very filling dinner! There was also cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, baked sweet potatoes, and my usual serving of rice. *sly grin* Mom cooked rice especially for me because she knows I love it.

Dinner was a family affair. I guess what makes Thanksgiving extra-special is the togetherness and camaraderie that everyone shares during this time. I like to think of it as a pre-Christmas celebration --- just as much food but without the presents! All in all, I had a very lovely time and can't wait again for next year!

Facades...

I am sorely tempted to go out and take Eowyn for a walk now. The sun is out and it looks like it's warm outside, but I know that sunny days during late fall can be quite deceiving. It may be sunny, but it is still cold. Besides, Eowyn is sleeping and I have to cook dinner soon, so my plan will have to be shelved at the moment.

Still, the sunny street looks so beckoning. Should I or should I not?

"NOT!" says this little voice behind my ear. (Am I hearing things? Nah, just talking to my invisible friend, my alter ego. Mwehehe!)

I can almost trick myself into believing it's still summer now... if not for the shoppers on the convenience store across the street wearing sweaters and the bunch of kids coming home from school all bundled up in warm hooded jackets.

*Sigh!*

Winter looms out cold and long before me. I have to endure!

Farewell to Autumn

So far, Old Man Winter has been kind to us, denying us his presence when in most areas close to where we live, some degree of snow have already fallen. A few times we did have frost and a light dusting, but no snowstorms or anything.

It is a cold, cloudy day today and I feel like crawling up in bed and just read George R.R. Martin's "A Feast For Crows" - a very good book and the fourth installment on his series "A Song of Ice and Fire." But I know that if I do that, I'll be hooked and would not get anything done around the house this morning.

Big sigh!

from the inside looking out

So after doing the dishes and a little bit of cleaning, I simply contented myself on looking out the window. Almost all the trees have now shed their leaves, or else their foliage are a mixture of warm golds, bright reds, and fiery oranges. No green to behold except for the Christmas-sy pine trees. I have to say it's a magnificent sight, but it's also quite depressing because today is such a glum day.

If not for Eowyn, who is here by my side on her playmat and playing happily with her toys, I would be bored to death. Only one phrase comes to my mind right now: thank heaven for little girls.

And oh... farewell, autumn!

Leaf Peeping

You'll never appreciate autumn unless you go out and see the leaves: such brilliant colors that transformed the landscape into a painter's palette. And if you allow yourself to forget, you can even trick yourself into believing that these dazzling hues do not prelude the season of death.

Last Saturday, Dan took me leaf peeping across New York and into Vermont and Massachussetts. It was an experience entirely new and fascinating to a tropical girl like me who grew up in a country where the leaves are green all year round. This is my second autumn here, but last year was a lousy fall (it was always raining) and besides, around this time last year, I was already bogged down by morning sickness and all-day nausea due to pregnancy. So in effect, for me, it was like experiencing autumn for the first time all over again.

When we drove along tree-lined streets where leaves have turned a brilliant yellow, I felt like I was in a different universe. The colors are simply amazing. There is a certain glow, an unmistakable aura emanating from nature, that just changes the landscape and gives it a surreal feel.

When I stare from a distance at a tree whose foliage are tinted orange, it was like seeing a tree on fire. I keep expecting to see smoke, and once I thought I did, only to realize it was just fog. Silly old me.

When we passed little streams and brooks on the countryside, I would ask Dan to stop so I can take pictures. Somehow the combination of fall foliage and the rushing water just appeals deeply to me. There is something very serene there, so utterly enticing, that just relaxes me immensely. The fresh scent of the air and the chilly breeze complete the feeling of perfection.

A sign in front of a church that we passed by said that "in autumn, it is hard to tell which is God's favorite color." And I agree. I couldn't decide what color I like best either. Perhaps the deep reds. But the yellows and the oranges come very close too. It's a dazzling array of hues that simply delights my senses in a very peculiar way.

As I was saying, if you just let go and forget for a moment that autumn preludes the season of death (Dan always objects and tells me that things do not die during winter, but there's really not much difference, is there?), you can fool yourself into thinking that the burst of colors is a celebration of life.

Hmmmm.

Perhaps it really is that: it is nature's way of reminding us to put on a beautiful show and enjoy the magnificence of life before we say goodbye. And then maybe death will not be as depressing because of all the beauty you've created and the wonderful memories you've left behind. Naks!

*******

More photos of my leaf peeping escapades HERE.

Of sacrifice and motherhood...

I'm still quite weepy these days, especially when it comes to touching stories that concern babies. Unfortunately, I can't blame it on pregnancy hormones anymore --- so it's either I am going nuts or just rediscovering my sentimental side.

Anyway, I was watching the Today show on NBC this morning when they featured a story about a mother whose body just kept on rejecting her pregnancies. Thrice, she had traumatic miscarriages until they were on the verge of giving up. Then a miracle happened. Their labor and delivery nurse presented herself to be a surrogate mother for their babies... and now they have three healthy kids. By the end of the feature, tears were falling from my eyes and Eowyn was staring at me uncertainly. She smiled lopsidedly, as though to tell me: "You're so silly, ma!"

It just got me thinking: why are there perfectly healthy women who scorn the idea of having babies when there are so many women who would give anything to have one? Why do some women abort their babies when there are countless others who keep trying to conceive but keep on failing? And why are there mothers who reject their children when a lot of couples are still yearning to have a child of their own? Isn't it ironic? Well, actually, no. I think it is simply UNFAIR! But then who said life is always fair?

Everyday I never fail to be grateful that I have a healthy, beautiful baby now. I always look back at my pregnancy as a time of sweet bliss. Eowyn's birth is a dream come true and I definitely would love to have more kids in the future. I never think of having kids as a burden. Sure, it is never easy to raise your children, but there is also a very deep sense of fulfillment that comes with it. I know that taking care of a baby is hard but only if you look at it as work that needs to be done.

My father used to tell me that if you love what you're doing, things will be so much easier and more enjoyable. And I guess he is right. I love taking care of Eowyn and can't wait for our next little one to come! Pero sana lang when I give birth to my second child, my parents will be here to assist me during the first few weeks. I know mama is very much up to it! Many times when we talk, she always tells me na sa kanila na lang daw si Eowyn! Huh?! Di 'ata p'wede 'yun! Di ko kakayanin! Hahaha!

mommy's tough angel

Musings

Sometimes I wonder how much different life would be if I hadn't packed my bags and left my comfort zone just to marry my one true love and come to live with him here in New York.

It was a big leap for me when I did that: I know my family, especially papa, is not keen at all about me living so far away from home, but I'm thankful that they were all very supportive, nonetheless.

My coleagues in DTI-XI were perhaps shocked when I handed in my resignation after only about three months of working with them in a high profile, much-coveted position. I knew that my direct supervisor was quite upset when I told her about it because they had to get another exemption from the Civil Service Commission to hire my replacement. In the end, all's well that ends well though and I am very grateful for their understanding.

I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss work. And I miss shopping galore! (Ha ha ha!)

Being a stay at home mom, there are moments when I just feel like this is not what I want to do with my life. Don't get me wrong. I love Dan and Eowyn very very much, and my life will be empty without them, but there is also a yearning inside me to do more, to achieve more. A friend once told me "Sayang 'yung potential mo... UP grad ka pa naman!"

Sometimes I ask myself: am I really cut out to be a housewife? After more than a year of being married, I pretty much have settled in the routine of running our home smoothly. I have become a good cook but I'm still bad at cleaning. Ha! :-)

Eowyn is my biggest happiness now. I simply love taking care of her. Which brings me to my dilemma: should I work again or just stay home to be with my baby?

Deep in my heart, I know I can never be just a mere housewife forever. I want to explore other horizons outside the home too, but my family will always be my number one priority. I promised Dan that much when I brought up the idea of me working again soon.

Well, we'll see what the wind will blow my way...

Senti...

Habang pinapanood ko kanina sa internet (via ABSCBNnow!) ang episode ng ASAP last Sunday, bigla ko lang na-realize kung gaano ko pala na-miss 'yung mga panahon dati na wala na akong ibang ginawa kundi kumain ng tanghalian sa harap ng tv tuwing linggo.

Haaayyy... akalain ko bang mami-miss ko 'yun! Nu'ng nasa 'Pinas pa kasi ako at tinatamad akong lumabas ng bahay tsaka super-bored na ang beauty ko, nagbababad na lang ako sa sala at nanonood ng tv. O kaya naman ay nagbabasa ng libro. At minsan natutulog na lang! Nakaka-miss nga naman 'yun.

Senti ko noh? Hayaan nyo na, minsan lang naman eh! May mga times lang talaga na naho-homesick ako. Normal naman 'yun, di ba? At least nga ngayon, andito na si Eowyn at sobrang nakakatuwa na ang baby ko kaya most of the time, di ko na naiisip 'yang mga homesick-homesick na 'yan! Hahaha!

Tama na nga ang emote! Manonood pa ako ng pangatlong episode ng "Crazy For You." Promise, nakakaaliw 'to!

Summer's End

It's the last weekend of summer and it's raining. How bad can it get? It's almost depressing. Soon it will be cold again and I detest that. I don't want summer to end! *wails* I'll miss walking barefoot on the grass, wearing tank tops, shorts and flip-flops, feeling the warm sun on my face, perspiration dripping down my neck, the wind blowing at my hair.

Yesterday, Dan and I saw some wild geese flying south again. Bye-bye, geese. When geese fly south where the climate is warmer, it only means one thing: winter is coming. And winters in New York are cold. Very cold. Just the thought of that makes me shiver.

Is there a way for me to stretch summer, let it drag on and on and on till I've had enough? Wishful thinking. I've always missed Davao's tropical weather, all the more now. But winter is almost just around the corner, and there's no stopping it from coming. *big sigh*

This rain now (remnants from the storm Ernesto) just makes it worse. Ah, what I'd give for the 90 degrees heat again! Blast away the chill. Blast away the dratted chill!

Play with words

Dan told me this joke last weekend as we drove through the backstreets of Clifton Park (a town very close to where we live) to enjoy the scenery:

"I see," said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer and saw.

Amazing, huh? You can take that any way you want to, literally or figuratively. I just love this play with words!

Saying goodbye to "asawa"...

No, it is not what you think: I'm not leaving Dan or deserting him at all. I'm simply referring to a website on fil-west relationships and everything concerning it that I frequently visit.

Anyway, it's been a week since I last browsed Asawa so it came as a surprise for me to find that members can no longer post messages there as Bob is indefinitely closing the forum. Sayang! The website has been really helpful to me when I was processing my immigration papers. But more than that, I've met so many wonderful people there, exchanged views and ideas with them and found new friends in the process.

Most of the people who matter are now in my friendster list though so hopefully we can still get in touch, guys... I'll really miss the forum!

Celebrating Easter

My earliest and most poignant memories of Holy Week were of hot, scorching days spent in solemn remembrance of the life and death of Jesus Christ. When I was a little girl, my siblings and I would not be allowed to play outside, eat meat, listen to loud music, or be boisterous. Instead, my mother would make us watch religious films, including the Creation Story, The Ten Commandments, Samson and Delilah and the Last Supper. I remember that on Good Friday, papa would just eat bread and drink water, and refuse to take any food. That's his way of sacrificing.

Looking back on those days, it suddenly hit me now how much different it was then and now. Here in the US, people don't make such a big deal of Holy Week at all. In fact, I was working today (Good Friday) - an unthinkable thought had I been in Davao because all establishments would be closed on this day! Good Friday is treated almost like any other regular day, but Easter Sunday is a very different story. Much of the Holy Week celebration (if indeed it can be called that) is focused on Easter Sunday. Easter bunnies, Easter chocolates, Easter lilies, Easter dinners, Easter Egg Hunts... there's just so much stuff to make your head spin!

I was talking with my mom-in-law a few days ago, and we happened to talk about Easter. She told me a story about when she was a little girl and she didn't have a new dress for Easter because times were hard. That's another striking difference about celebrating Easter here - people dress up in their best and newest clothes. Anyway, mom was very disappointed at that time coz all her friends had new clothes and she didn't. She promised herself that when she's all grown up, she will always have something new and beautiful to wear during Easter.

And that's exactly what she did --- until she became active in church and was born again. Then she realized Easter is not a celebration of ourselves nor is it a commercial holiday. Easter is all about Jesus dying on the cross and coming back to life to save our sins so we can live forever. And that changed her perspective tremendously. She wondered how many people also felt like she did, when she was a little girl, because they also couldn't afford new clothes to wear on Easter. If the materialism so deeply embedded in this traditional celebration can cause disappointment and pain to others as she experienced years ago, she wanted no part of it now. She vowed that never again will she buy herself anything new for Easter. And that's the way it has always been since then for her.

Mom's story was very inspiring to me. I definitely agree that Easter should be a celebration of the life of Jesus, more than anything else. Let's remember that today and always. Have a blessed and happy Easter, friends!

Snowflakes For Dessert

I woke up today to a cold snowy morning, feeling a little bit grumpy because Dan made me get out of bed so I could talk to my sister. I was still so sleepy, and not in the best of moods, but was very happy to chat with Ilay again. It's been two days since I last talked to her.

After a few minutes of chatting, I went to prepare breakfast. Eggplant omelettes. Of course, I asked cooking directions from Ilay because she's the one who used to cook that when I was still in Davao. Unfortunately, she forgot how long the eggplant should be broiled so I just had to rely on my own estimates!

Breakfast was okay, but the eggplants didn't turn out the way I want them to. Even if I got baby eggplants, they were still a little rubbery after cooking it for about 20 minutes. Sigh! Still, the omelette was good laced with lots of ketchup. Hehehe!

Looking out of the window while rubbing my big belly, I noticed that it was beginning to snow heavily. And then a thought suddenly crossed Dan's mind: I hadn't tried catching a snowflake on my tongue yet, and suggested we try it now before winter's completely gone. That seemed like a good idea to me, so I grabbed my coat and put on his big, boat-like slippers... and off we went outside for a bit of adventure!

We must have looked like two crazy people - me in my nightgown and him in his robe, chasing snowflakes in the parking lot. I glanced around to see if any of our neighbors were watching us, but saw nobody. Thank God! I resumed to catching snowflakes on my tongue again, but it was difficult because of the wind. Snow was piling on my hair and numbing my face, so we went back inside the house.

After awhile, as I glanced out of the window again, the snowflakes were getting bigger. I really wanted to know what it feels like to taste a snowflake, so I urged Dan to come with me outside again. This time, I was as enthusiastic as a little girl and really eager to catch a snowflake. I didn't care anymore if anyone saw me, and my efforts were finally rewarded! The moment I got a snowflake in my mouth, it immediately melted... but the sensation was cool, like a little drop of heaven. Soon I was catching more snowflakes, and not just on my tongue but all around my hair and face and hands. Wow!!!

And then I noticed Dan staring at me, his eyes alight with laughter and amusement. I ran to him and hugged him. He felt warm, very warm. And then I suddenly realized I'm feeling cold and starting to sniffle. I shivered and he hugged me tighter. And then he kissed me. And we went back inside the house very happy.

Snowflakes are the best dessert ever! Mmmmm-hmmmm!

Finding Mr. Right

I was reading a magazine article this morning and was struck by a comment sent in by a reader about how some women desperately want to be in a relationship that they settle for Mr. Right Now instead of waiting for Mr. Right. Now there's a difference here: the former is just a guy who happens to be available at that particular time when you're really needy even if you know deep in your heart of hearts that he's not really good for you at all. Mr. Right, of course, is the man who completely takes your heart and makes you whole and can give you a happy ending if you both work hard for it.

Why am I even writing about this? Well, mainly because I have lots of friends out there who are still waiting for their own special Mr. Right. Please, girls, don't settle for a Mr. Right Now because you may just end up miserable later. Trust me - been there, done that! Before I married Dan, I had two failed relationships with men who, in perspective, really were Mr. Right Nows (or is the correct term Mr. Right Thens???)...

I understand the longing to love and be loved in return, and the temptation to just settle for who and what is there may be overwhelming. But boy am I glad that I actually waited for Dan because I am the happiest woman in the world right now! It's worth the wait, definitely!

And I'm sure whoever is the lucky guy for you, as long as he is Mr. Right, he will be worth the wait too. Just keep the faith and believe!

Bear Rocks Vacation

Dan and I just got back from Pennsylvania last night. Whew, what a trip! A whirlwind vacation - that's what it was. From Day 1 till the time we left, I had such a great, busy, wonderful time. Oh, the food and the shopping! Man, that sure was exhausting but loads of fun.

It was a little after 8 in the evening Monday night when we arrived in Bear Rocks. I was tired from the almost 10-hour long car trip and had a back ache so I promptly went to bed and slept (but not before Dan gave me a soothing, relaxing back massage). I was as content as a kitten all wrapped up and buried under the warm blankets, sleeping like a baby the whole night though I had to get up twice or thrice later to go to the bathroom and pee. Yep, pregnancy made me such a terrific pee-er! Good thing I don't wet the sheets. :)

Tuesday proved uneventful because I was still trying to recover from the exhausting travel. I spent the whole day in bed, reading a book, watching tv, napping, eating creme-filled doughnuts... and then dinner time! Mom prepared such a divine meal: baked barbeque-flavored chicken, potato salad, green beans, and of course, my usual serving of white rice. Yum! I had ice cream after dinner too, and I was so full I found it hard to breathe. (Ang takaw kasi, hehehe!!!)

Wednesday was shopping day. Dan and mom and myself had lunch at a local diner close to Bear Rocks. I had a very yummy club sandwich (with lots of bacon, ham, tomatoes, cheese and eggs) and country-style fried potatoes. The lemonade went very well with it too, but I guess I had a little too much of the drink coz I peed several times after. :) Then, shopping galore! Mom helped me pick out more maternity clothes (several sweaters and blouses I can wear to work), two pairs of shoes, nursing gowns and nighties. Nothing for the baby yet... that will have to come later! Afterwards, Dan took us for a joyride along the quaint Pennsylvania countryside, with its gently rolling hills and wide, wide open spaces and mountains looming far in the distance. Great view!

On Thursday, we met up with Loriann (Dan's niece) and her boyfriend Don. We had lunch at Eatin' Park where I had another lovely meal: baked shrimp with Maryland crab stuffing, rice on the side, and garden salad with French dressing. Yum! Again, it was a very satisfying meal and I ended up so full I couldn't eat more than one bite of the "Smiley cookie" that dan bought for me. We spent the rest of the afternoon at Don's and Loriann's place (what a cozy, lovely apartment they have!), watching a movie and just chatting and keeping up to date with each other's busy lives. It was late in the afternoon when we headed back home, stopping first at the mall where Dan looked at computers and I had a delightful tropical fruit shake. More food awaits this spoiled, pregnant penguin at mom's house... she had baked ham and deviled eggs and potato salad. I was surprised I could still eat a plateful after pigging out most of the day. Hmmmm, I figured it must be Eowyn who's making me eat like a hog!

Everytime we go to my mom-in-law's place, I really feel at home and super relaxed. I love the fresh, pristine mountain air of Bear Rocks that always carries with it the scent of pine. I love the duck pond and the little bridge and all those brown ducks huddled close together for warmth, when they're not noisily fighting over morsels of food you give them. And all those tall pine trees: the white pines and the yellow pines and the Scotch pines and the blue spruces and all the other varieties I couldn't even remember the name anymore! If it wasn't so cold, I would have pestered Dan into taking me for a walk everyday, down to the Country Club lake and around the lush, 4-acre-something paradise of his childhood with all those leafless maple, peach, and apple trees. Glorious place!

I hated leaving (we had to go on Friday morning coz the weather's bad on the weekend), but I know we will be back soon - maybe come Easter if my tummy isn't so big yet and it's not that uncomfortable or unsafe for me to travel. But definitely when my little angel's born, we will be home again. Grandma and everyone else are already so looking forward to her arrival, my precious little darling Eowyn!

The Wowowee Tragedy

Last weekend, when I heard on tv (it was mentioned just very briefly) that 70 people died and hundreds of others were injured in the Philippines during a stampede in a popular game show, my first thought was: naku, I think they are referring to Wowowee! Clueless and concerned, I immediately checked the internet for more news and sure enough, my hunch was right. It was the first anniversary special of the Willie Revillame noontime show, and it's so sad that this tragic event had to happen, all because these people just wanted to have a better life.

It got me thinking, ganu'n na ba talaga kahirap ang buhay d'yan sa Pinas? Have people become so desperate that they are so eager to swallow hook, line and sinker schemes for a brighter future like winning an instant million pesos, even if it meant that they have to line up for days in advance and the chances of them winning are slim, anyways? One newspaper printed that today, it's not just fifty-two pesos to a dollar anymore; it's already 70 lives to a peso! How very sad, indeed.

I remember when I was still in Davao and the Wowowee gang had a show there last May... During both the motorcade and the actual show, the crowd turnout was unbelievable! Ganu'n talaga kasikat si Willie at ang Wowowee, hard as that may be to believe. It's not surprising therefore that huge crowds will gather to watch their anniversary show. I wonder why the ABS-CBN management was not able to put in place contingency measures to ensure that stampedes and other public hazards don't occur then. They could have given tickets in advance to people or chosen a bigger venue to accommodate everyone.

But it's too late now for finger-pointing and blaming. The sad, glaring fact remains that life is so hard back home and so many people have lost life and limb for that one elusive chance to win a tricycle, a jeepney, a house and lot, a million pesos... Haaaay, depressing...

Home, at last!

Woohoo... Dan and I just got back last night from our much-deserved holiday vacation in Pennsylvania. I had such a terrific time there: the new year's eve celebration was a blast! Incidentally, it also doubled as our "opening the presents event" since we weren't able to make it home for Christmas. Everytime I'm there, I just get overwhelmed with my family-in-law's generosity and warmth. They are soooo good and wonderful to me and it's really a blessing to have them as my extended family here in the US!

Dan is, of course, hands-down terrific to me. He's always been very supportive and loving and genuinely concerned... he's the best thing a wife can ask and get for Christmas. I know that if he had been anything less than that, I would have had a very difficult time adjusting to my new life here in NY. But I seldom get homesick, then and now, because he is so caring to me. I can count in one hand the number of times that I cried because I terribly miss my life back in the Philippines. (Well, crying due to pregnancy hormones not included!) And I can't remember ever questioning or doubting my decision to move here with him and leave everything behind too. Mainly I never felt alone or neglected at all - he just has that amazing ability to make me very secure in his love.

A few weeks ago, when I was craving badly for Pinoy food, I happened to tell him that I wish I was home so I can eat everything I want. A cloud passed over his face and he told me tenderly, "But, honey, this is already home." I know he's doing his very best to make me feel settled and comfortable here, and he's already succeeded in ways he never dreamt of. But Davao will always be home to me too, nothing can ever change that.

In many ways, I feel even more blessed that I have several places I can call home: Davao with my family, Pennsylvania where his family is, and New York where we're starting to build our own. Home is where your heart is. No matter how far away I am from those I hold dear to my heart, love will always bring me closer.

Celebrating Life

Looking back, I guess I've always lived a blessed existence. And in many, many ways I can say I'm very lucky. Mine was an easy and comfortable life, and whatever trials I had to go through in the past, I managed them just fine. I prefer to keep only the good memories and learn well from experiences not worth remembering.

Do I harbor hate? Envy? Insecurities?

Negative emotions only prevent you from celebrating life and living it to the fullest. As much as possible, I try to quell these feelings and concentrate only on the brighter side. I may not always possess what I want, but I certainly have what I need. Contentment is a state of mind. Be happy with what you have and make do with your resources. Count your blessings, not your losses. This is how I try to live - and I should say it makes me appreciate my life more.

In my whole life, I've never purposely made any enemies. But I guess some people are just naturally jealous and perhaps insecure. Or maybe they just woke up on the wrong side of the bed everyday. If I were to count the persons whom I've had fights with, I wouldn't even use up all my fingers. And there's only one former "friend" I'm not in speaking terms with. Just one. I treasure my friends dearly. I'm very slow to anger but once I reach my breaking point, it's very hard to win me back. But that's just me.

Life is beautiful. Thanks to everyone who touched my heart and made a difference in my life, in ways big or small. Happy Thanksgiving Day!!!

Of autumn rains and chilly days...

Tugnawa uy!!!

Just how cold can it get? It's been raining almost incessantly here these past few days, and I wouldn't even dare to step out of the front door because it is just too chilly - not to mention very wet. The weather is dismal and depressing and I wish for sunny skies and warmer days. Haaaayyy...

The weatherman said earlier on tv that this fall has been one of the wettest seasons in a long time. I wouldn't know anything about previous falls, but I should say he is very right in that. This October, we've had weeks of rain and rain and rain and more rain. There might be a break of two or three sunny days and then it's rain again. The only good thing I see about all this is that it's very nice to snuggle and cuddle and get close with my honey at night. (Naughty girl!) Har har har!

In some parts of NY, it has started to snow already... but not here in Saratoga where I live. Hmp! Excited pa naman ako to see my first snow! When the weatherman announced that there's been snow in the capital district, I eagerly looked out of the window --- only to find that there's just rain and wet, soggy ground with dried leaves all around. Kainis! Yeah, well... despite the cold, I am still excited to get my very first taste of winter.

Hopefully tomorrow there will be a little bit of snow. Please, God, kahit konti lang, masaya na ako! Hek hek hek!

Crazy Philippine politics

Power corrupts. It's just so sad to see our government leaders bickering and throwing mud at each other to no end. No, sad is not even a strong enough word to capture what I really feel. Annoying, disgusting, tragically depressing. While Gloria defends her prestigious seat in Malacanang like crazy and the opposition tries all sorts of mad tactics to get her out, it is the Filipino people who suffers. The government is in shambles, the economy down, peace and prosperity a dream so out of reach. For how long shall we endure this?

I am no Gloria fan. In fact I do think she cheated in the elections... but would we really be better off with the likes of FPJ and Erap leading us? The thought scares the hell out of me. Governance has become a game of the most powerful and charismatic personalities, and genuine public service is nowhere to be found. With the lack of more promising alternatives, I would much rather that Gloria remains in power. Why? Because even if a new president takes her place, there's no guarantee that things will be better. It's just one corrupt leader after another, maybe somebody even worse.

The problem is not who sits in Malacanang. The problem is the whole system and the bureaucracy. It has become too rotten and corrupt. It's not enough to change just the head of the government... There has to be  unified, far-ranging reforms across all goverment offices and agencies if we want to have tangible results. But this is easier said than done, unfortunately.

Teka lang, more on my thoughts about this later... Someone's at the door! Ciao.

Rainy days and tuesday mornings

Cold. I look out the living room window and see the rain falling softly. The sound of the raindrops is soft and soothing, and it almost lulls me to sleep. The pine trees are swaying in the gentle wind. For one crazy instant, I contemplate running outside the door and bathe in the rain like a six-year old child would, all carefree and unabashed. I shake my head.

Instead, I sit here in front of my computer and type away. Words, just words. My thoughts trapped in symbols. I shiver as a cold breeze wafts in from the window. I wrap my old rose flannel robe more tightly against my body and curl my toes inside my fluffy pink slippers. I can hear the wind sighing now, not mournful but unrestrained. A sigh that can mean a million different things.

The weatherman says that it will start to clear out this afternoon. That we can expect some sunshine and cooler weather. Oh but I love the rain! Perhaps I will put on my coat, step out and take a walk towards the pond, and just enjoy the rain will it lasts. Maybe